little discoveries

Our little girl is already growing up.

On Friday, Bridget discovered that she has a hand. Only one hand, mind you. She is fascinated with her right hand, and will hold it out in front of her inspecting it and then slowly and deliberately pull it in toward her face and insert it into her mouth. Oh, she was chewing on it before, but it was always hit or miss whether her hand actually made it to her mouth. But now she seems to have discovered that her hand is something attached to her body that she can control, and she's doing it. I don't think she's quite figured out that she has fingers yet, though.

I'm pretty sure that wanting to reach out and touch things goes with the hand-finding territory, because Bridget is suddenly much more interested in reaching out and touching her toys, particularly those attached to the playmat. She'll reach out to toys I hold out to her, too, but hasn't really figured out that you need to open your fist in order to wrap your hand around a toy. Yesterday I thought she was close to accidentally rolling over from her back to her stomach on her own since she kept reaching for "Toucan Sam," a purple toucan that (so far) is her favorite toy on the playmat. Her legs were up in the air with her knees bent, and they kept moving from side to side as she reached for Sam. Alas, no rollover. But to mommy's big surprise, she became a lot more active during tummy time, too; she kept struggling to lift her head and seemed determined to go somewhere rather than just lay around.

I've been expecting the head lift for a while now, since Bridget's neck is pretty strong. But she surprised me a lot by making her legs kick and go when she's up on her hands. It makes it look like she wants to crawl! I know ten weeks is way early, although a few babies do crawl as early as in their third month. I really don't think Bridget's quite strong enough yet, and I know it may be months and months before she actually does crawl, but she sure does seem determined! I think it's just fun to see her try. The video below is of her doing the head-lift leg-kick today. Gotta love our little girl!

beware of ceiling fan

I'd like to diverge from the Bridget news in this post to talk about rottweilers. Mya's my second one, and they're a great breed--playful, loving, big, strong, smart, afraid of ceiling fans. Yep, you read right. Mya is afraid of the ceiling fan in Bridget's room.

As amusing as this is--and it was quite amusing seeing her look at it nervously, back out of the room so she could watch it, and bark at it as loudly as she could--it's getting to be a problem. Yesterday I realized she hadn't come in the back half of the house all day because of the ceiling fan. Near the end of the day, she practically ran to get to the safety of our bedroom and the crate. And this morning she refused to come out since she'd have to pass Bridget's room. It doesn't matter if the door is closed or not. I tried convincing her that she doesn't need to be afraid by dragging her in there by the collar and then giving her a treat; she snatched it and ran back to her crate. I decided to leave her in there--Bridget needed to eat--and then had to interrupt the feeding because I could hear Mya making that hole in our bedroom carpet bigger. (They're good dogs, but rottie puppies do tend to chew up everything. It's a phase they grow out of, I'm hoping soon. They also like to dig. That's a little tougher to get them to stop.) I also suspect that the ceiling fan is the reason Mya hasn't been eating--she didn't eat at all yesterday and only ate a little this morning because I shared my scrambled eggs with her.

So there it is. Another thing I have to work on training Mya on. "Ceiling fans are not scary, Mya. They will not hurt you." Of course, my job will be made even harder by the fact that Al has encouraged this irrational fear. I have caught him reaching up and pushing the blades of the fan when Mya has ventured into the room, giggling as she jumps back and runs away. Bad husband. He needs at least as much training as the dog (toilet seat, closing drawers and cupboards, etc.), but I won't get into that. I'm hoping Bridget will be easier. :)

mommy's health (and sanity, too?)

So I'm trying to use the breast-feeding phase to become lighter and healthier. The lighter part is just a given--I've been at least fifty to sixty pounds overweight, based on the ideal weight for my height and age, for several years now. The healthier part has to do with my own health as well as my family's. I want to feed my kid right, for one, and am going to ask my sister-in-law for "cooking lessons" for babyfood (she makes all of Ella's, and even though most of the time it looks like green goop, I know Ella is a very healthy eater). I figure I've got a few months before that needs to start in earnest, and so now is the time for me to start choosing better foods for me and my husband. And although we don't know what kind of cancer mom had or what caused it, the thought of leaving my kid without me early for any reason scares me--a lot. I figure one way to beat an illness, if I ever have one, is to start out healthy (as far as possible) to begin with--give your body something to fight with.

So in the spirit of eating right, I've done my best the past couple of days: in addition to those yummy scrambled eggs the other morning, I fixed grilled salmon, brown rice, and a veggie medley (snap peas, peppers, and red potatoes--one of those Green Giant things) for dinner on Tuesday. It was yummy too! I will admit to eating "brunch" out yesterday--it was supposed to be breakfast, but doesn't always end up that way when we've got Bridget along--I ended up having a tuna melt, which probably wasn't the best choice because of the buttered and fried bread it's on. And we had grilled bacon cheeseburgers for dinner with a side of corn. Also, not the best choice for my have-to-watch-his-cholesterol husband. But there is one thing I have to do to make sure Bridget gets what she needs at this point: be sure I'm eating enough of the "good" fat. The stuff that's in olive oil, some dairy, etc. Because even though our little girl is at least 12 lbs, 12 ozs, the doc wants her to weigh more, and I'm beginning to see why: I'm sure she's grown even taller than the 25 inches she was just eight days ago, and her tummy keeps getting thinner and thinner. It's like she's stretching out! So mommy needs to have at least some fat, hence the bacon and cheese on the at least 90% lean burger she made.

I've continued that philosphy this morning: a bit of fat for Bridget with my new scrambled egg creation, a BTA (Bacon, Tomato, topped with Avocado and with monterey jack thrown in for fun). It ended up being enough for tomorrow, too, so I don't have to worry about making breakfast tomorrow. And Al doesn't have to worry about the cholesterol since he's working today. I'll make tilapia for dinner tonight, probably using up the last tomato I have sitting around, the brown rice that's already cooked, and the corn that we opened last night. Am I making you hungry yet? Of course, mommy still gets her prenatal vitamin on top of it, and I've started drinking more of the 2% milk even though I prefer skim--I'm hoping to give Bridget those calories.

So yes, I'm fueling my body to feed Bridget. But I also want to get more active myself for two reasons: so I can keep up with my kid, give my dog enough exercise, and (of course) lose a few of those extra pounds. I'm already trying to walk with Bridget and Mya each day, and I walk at least a mile every day. This morning I had the brilliant idea to get out the Dance, Dance Revolution 2 game and play that while Bridget had her playtime on the playmat beside me. I'm horrible at it, but it kept me moving and I had worked up a sweat after half an hour and was quite tired. One caveat: nursing bras are not quite up to any bouncing/up and down movement. I would hate to think of trying to run in one--the dance game was enough! And since they say it's not good to wear a tight bra while nursing--for one thing, you could clog a milk duct--the idea of a jog bra is out. So good excuse for no running, and keep the jumping in the dance game to a minimum.

Besides physical health, I'm trying to keep--well, sane. I noticed yesterday that I've been clenching my jaw a lot again. For Rhonda, clenched jaw = stressed. I'm not sure what I'm stressed about, exactly. It may be the fact that Bridget's been crying a lot more than normal the past few days (for which I'm trying feeding her more often today; could be that she's going through a growth spurt and needs the extra food) and that, because Al happened to be home, too, he has become convinced that our daughter doesn't like him (he was trying to help me by taking care of her). It could be because when Al tries to console her, he calls Bridget "B"--"B, what's wrong?" and for some irrational reason I hate it. It could be because I can't keep my big mouth shut when things like that bother me and end up blurting out (angrily), "Her name is Bridget!" before thinking (yeah, that makes things better). It could be a million things, but I'm trying to unclench my jaw when I notice that it's clenched, think before I speak, and be patient with Bridget, Al, and Mya.

Along with keeping sane, I've decided to try to make a loose schedule for Bridget. What I decided upon this morning is working so far: when she wakes up, feed her, then playtime (first on tummy, then on back), feed her again, nap. We've reached this far, and although she cried a bit when I put her down, I could tell she was tired and gave myself a time limit: if she's still crying in fifteen minutes, get her up and feed her. It's so hard to hear my baby cry (for one thing, my body starts thinking she wants to eat, but it's a mental challenge, too) and I almost didn't make it. But just when the fifteen minutes was about to be up and I was about to go in and get her, no more crying. Sound asleep now for twenty-five minutes. The plan for the rest of the afternoon: eat, take a walk, eat, take a nap (during which I'm hoping to prep dinner), eat, playtime, eat. Daddy should be getting home sometime within the last two, and he may take Mya for a second walk; if we're lucky, we can even join him. And if we're lucky, mommy and daddy can actually eat dinner together while Bridget sits in her chair or plays or sleeps. The last feeding of the day, though, goes to daddy. Last night he said it's his favorite time of the day, because she's happy and curls up in his lap and looks up at him adoringly (I added that last part, but I know he loves it).

Now that I've thoroughly bored you with the minute details of my health, sanity, and schedule for the day, I'll say adieu. Be back tomorrow.

pee-yew

Last night, Bridget didn't sleep very well. She was fussing a bit every couple hours or so, but not enough for me to get her up. Just enough for me to check on her. Maybe she's cold, I'd think. I do have her ceiling fan on and she's just in her onesie instead of her footie pajamas. But she does have that warm fuzzy blanket...

Nope. Not the reason. When I got her out of bed eleven-some hours after putting her down (she slept soundly the last two-three hours, probably tired from a night of fussing), I discovered the real reason for her fussiness. She had pooped, probably early in the night, and it had leaked all over. And even though she's still just eating breastmilk, it stank like never before. So much that I almost vomited from the smell--and that's a lot, seeing as how I got used to smells and human excrement when I was taking care of my mother.

Since it was all over, I debated how to pull the onesie over Bridget's head without getting poop all over her face, in her mouth, and mashed into her hair. Al was already running the bathwater for me, but still--you hate to have your daughter eat her own poop. Well, I came up with the perfect solution: get the sharp sewing scissors out and cut the thing off of her (of course, I used great care and aimed the blades away from her face in case she squirmed). I can use it for her Kid's Kwilt when I'm ready to make it (the part that isn't permanently stained). Then into the bathtub she went, and into the laundry with a strong dose of Oxi-Clean goes the sheet. Ah, the joys of being mommy.

forgetful, yet accomplished

I can't believe it. I actually forgot all about posting yesterday. Perhaps it was the fact that I was busy, that Al was around (for a couple of hours before he got called into work, and then got off earlier than usual since we took Erik, Meaghan, and Noah out for a belated birthday dinner), that I had a fairly accomplished day, but I just plain old forgot. And Bridget seems to have "found" her voice in that short period between postings. It's so darn cute.

Yes, yesterday Bridget starting "talking" more than ever. She just chats and goos while I have her on the changing table or her playmat, and it's a different type of chatter than before. It sounds different, for one thing--more pronounced sounds and a wider range of them--and there's a lot more of it. She's even making different sounds when she smiles, and I think she may be trying to find her laugh. Not quite there for the real thing yet, but now we've got a squeal in with the sounds she was making before. And it is so much fun to watch her (and listen to her) talking. Secretly, I'm hoping she's a talker like me. I don't think I could deal with two Al's in the house.

My accomplishment occurred largely in part due to the fact that she took a three and a half hour nap (but she only slept eight hours last night instead of the usual ten, so I think she was just making up for lost sleep) and that Al took care of her after her night feeding. I've almost got the office put back together, something that never got done once baby was coming to town and Al had to move his stuff in here, too. I'm even managing to put a sewing station in here so I can get it out of the dining room. Frankly, the mess drives me crazy. Love to sew (at least quilts), but don't love the way it makes my house look. I even got to talk to Dana while organizing the office (yay!). And since my baby's sleeping, I'm going to clip coupons, make the grocery list, and--if I have time--get more done in here (office) so that we (Bridget and I) can go grocery shopping this afternoon. Unless Al decides he wants to brave the afternoon alone with her and a bottle, in which case I'll go shopping alone. Busy day for mommy!

P.S. Since Al was home, I took the time to make the most wonderfully yummy and healthy breakfast this morning: scrambled eggs with monterey jack cheese, fresh spinach, chopped sun-dried tomatoes and chopped Trader Joe's eggplant cutlets. Yummy!

over the river and through the dale...

Okay, so it's not winter, I don't think there's a river between here and Grandma's house, and I'm not even sure what a dale is, although I think it's some type of field or woods or something. But the rest is true of today: to Grandmother's (and Grandfather's) house we go.

Al had a day off today, although I'm sure he would have loved to work it (Sunday + overtime = good paycheck). When we got up--late, since Bridget slept til about 10:30 am (ish), although we got up a bit earlier than her--Al asked, "What did you want to do today?" Of course, the one thing I mentioned, marking the sprinklers for the crew that's going to come out and put in the electric doggie fence, didn't get done. Other than that, I had no plans. Then I suggested we go to his parents house so they could see Bridget. We always go out to eat with them, and she's usually asleep in her carseat and never even gets unbuckled from it. That's not quality time with their granddaughter!

So Al called his mom. He came back five minutes later and said they wanted to go out to eat. Ugh. But okay, if that's the way they want to see Bridget, that's the way they get to. I want her to spend time with her grandparents, since she won't have the opportunity to spend any time with my mother (okay, sounds strange and sounds like I wouldn't care if she were alive. Not so; just hits home more this way). When Al called back later to confirm, he told them we'd be coming to their house an hour earlier, so we got to do that, at least. Grandma played with her and Grandpa talked to Al and looked at her a couple of times. Then we went out to eat, and Bridget ate while we did--we gave her her bottle early tonight. All in all, it was a good visit, and Grandma said to give her a call and drop by anytime since she's usually home during the day. I might just start doing that every week or so.

The grasping things with her hands looks more and more un-flukelike, too. Today I pointed out the tiny black and white zebra tail that sticks up out of the floor of Bridget's playmat (she was having tummy time and needed something besides me to look at). She grasped it and kept pulling on it, and if it came out of her grasp, she made a point to grab it again. I never thought watching something so insignificant would be so fun, but it is.

Good day, except for this enormous black fly buzzing my head and attracted to my computer screen. It came in when Al had the sliding door open earlier, and is annoying me now. Let's hope it's dead by tomorrow. Until then...

P.S. What was I thinking? Through the woods, not dale. Mommy brain. And hot tub with a beer brain. This pregnancy then breastfeeding thing does a number on your alcohol tolerance level, that's for sure.

a mommy's heart hurts...

...when she suspects her little one's not feeling very good.

Bridget's been a bit fussy since getting her vaccinations Wednesday, but last night her breathing got a little faster and a little more raspy than usual. And she was terribly, terribly fussy last night and again this morning. This morning she even wanted to eat more and I let her, just because I know that it comforts her. She went down pretty easily for a nap about an hour ago, and I'm hoping she sleeps for a while because I suspect she needs it. But if she doesn't, I'll cuddle up with her to feed her and watch the Dollhouse season finale that I never got around to. And cuddle with her some more after that.

Even though she's not feeling very good, Bridget seems to have learned something new today: she can grasp things with her hands and then put them in her mouth. I first noticed in between feedings number one and two today. I had her sitting in my lap facing me and one of her blankets was over both of our legs. She studied the blanket and (it seemed to me) very deliberately put her hands forward, pulled the blanket toward her, and started chomping on it. I would have thought it was a fluke, except she kept doing it--and did it later with a little toy I gave her (it's a dog's head on a little square of a blanket, so like a stuffed animal and blanket all in one). It was so interesting to watch her work with her hands other than trying to stuff them into her mouth.

Mommy's tired today, but this is the first day since I mentioned it that I'm consciously trying to eat and make healthier choices. Instead of chocolate chip cookies, I had oatmeal for breakfast, and I ate a home-made egg salad sandwich on 12-grain bread (egg salad made with light mayo) and red grapefruit for lunch. I just want to make sure I'm taking in enough calories, though, and trying to think ahead to dinner (and a snack in between, since we don't eat until about 8:00 pm when Al's working) to keep it healthy--and throw in a veggie or two. Hmm...

Gonna go sew while I have the chance. I haven't forgotten Lily's crib set, or Kustom Kribs--just sneaking in a few minutes here and there to work on it whenever possible!

goo, goo, ga, ga

In last week's episode of Bones, Dr. Temperance Brennan, a very intellectual, practical woman, picks up a crying baby and starts swinging her around in her arms. "You like spatial disorientation, don't you?" she asks. Dr. Brennan, true to her character, doesn't seem to fall into the baby-talk category. Yeah, well, that's not true for me, a wanna-be English professor turned mommy.

I now talk baby talk. And for some reason, it comes up in this unnaturally high voice. And although I do throw in several full sentences, and nice questions like, "How was your nap? Did you have good dreams?", I find myself making Bridget's noises back to her too. Or trying to. Amazing how hard that little girl is to imitate.

Not only do I speak baby, but I make all kinds of faces and make up my own lyrics to songs. (Maybe I should amend that: it's speaking mommy, not baby. I hear this is a common phenomenon among moms.) The one exception that I have to speaking baby, er, mommy, is one thing I did pick up from Bones: wiggling my fingers in her face and saying, "Phalanges!" (It's in a season two episode, I believe--"The Baby in the Bough" or tree or whatever--and is repeated in last week's episode.) But even more amazing to me is that I do all of these things in public without a thought as to what other people think. Bye, bye self-consciousness, hello longing to see that big, amazing smile and the dimple in Bridget's left cheek.

I've also come up with a million, gazillion nicknames for Bridget--so many that she may not know her own name for a long, long time. Al called her "Pumpkin" for quite a while, but I haven't heard that from him lately; now he's trying out "B" (my sister will like that, since that's what she calls herself sometimes). Mommy's not quite as sophisticated. Besides calling her Bridget, I call her Bridge, Bridgie, Sweetie, Cutie, Cutie Patootie, Cutie Pie, Pooper, Pooper Scooper (although I suppose that would actually be me, not her), Beautiful, Pretty Girl, Big Girl, Little Girl, etc. All of the endearing names, all of the adjectives that can describe a baby, and all of the rhymes I can think of. At this point, she doesn't really care what I call her. If she's not overtired or hungry, she'll smile and do her little gurgle laugh (which sounds more and more like she's trying to imitate me when I do a fake, "ha ha ha" before I laugh for real--I'm sure I'm just imagining that, though) when I talk to her as long as I'm smiling and saying it in a fun tone. It doesn't really matter what I say!

As I take time to love holding my daughter, staring into her face and feeling like the happiest, most blessed person in the world when she smiles because I'm talking to her, so many emotions swirl through me: love is most prominent. A bit of protectiveness, not wanting anyone to ever hurt her: those bullies on the playground that will call her "Carrot Top" (that one hurt my feelings til my mom told me to tell them "Thank You" next time they did it--they never did it again after that), boys that she'll like who may not like her back (how could anyone not fall in love with this little girl the moment they see her? I can't imagine it any other way), men that may not have her best interests at heart. And a bit of sorrow--sorry in losing my mom.

I thought that losing my own mom would get easier over time, but it hurts more and more each day as I think of what I'd like to share with her and of how she's missing her granddaughter's life or even got to know that she'd have a second (and now a third, with Lily) granddaughter. As I think of how she must have been with me when I was born (although almost ten years younger than I am now, so I imagine her and dad more like Rachel and Ryan with Ella). Mom loved kids and wanted grandchildren so much. She had a roomful of children's books and toys just waiting for them and now she can't share them with the grandkids. She was a nanny and volunteered in the nursery at church, and always gave away big boxes of children's books when someone invited her to a baby shower. Yesterday, as I sat down and read Bridget's first book to her, I found myself wishing mom had picked out at least one book for my child and given it to me. Which one would she love? Which one would she pick for a baby Bridget's age? How would she go about reading it--would she read the words, or make up her own words or just point things out?

This post took a turn I didn't expect, but one thing I'll say is that I appreciate my mom more and more now that I'm one. I wish she was still here so I could tell her. I miss you, mom.

big babies, big puppies

The doctor established it for me yesterday: I have a big baby. Not big as in chubby, really (doc does want her to gain more weight), but big as in tall (I don't care if she can't stand on her own yet--she is tall, not long--and she is getting to where she likes to stand with help, although she is top-heavy and leans forward). And a neighbor I met while walking in the neighborhood on Tuesday wondered why Bridget seems so much more mature than her baby, who is ten days older than Bridget. I'm assuming part of it's her size, but the fact that she was awake and the other girl was sleeping could have had something to do with it. And since Stacy (neighbor, and maybe new friend, since she said that she'll drop by the house sometimes to see if I want to go walking) teaches and coaches high school girl's soccer, she may not be breastfeeding and that may just have something to do with it. This is all just wild speculation, of course.

Most of you know that in addition to a big baby, I have a big puppy: a sixty-pound, nine-month old rottweiler. It's an established fact by now that Al does not get along with her. She nips at him (and he thinks it's full-out biting) and jumps on him all the time, and he gets angry and in her face. Even Caesar would tell Al that his energy is not good for the puppy, that it just gets her more excited, and that he has to maintain a "calm aggressive" attitude around her. Well, I'm not sure about all of his techniques, but I do know that issuing commands calmly and not giving her attention when she's acting out helps tremendously. I also know that it helps not to be nervous about her actions around her, which Al has been since the moment we got her: afraid that when the baby came Mya would hurt her (and now that Bridget's here, he's even more afraid). Well, my husband may not listen to me, but I'll give some advice for dealing with babies and puppies that other moms might like. After all, mommy knows best! (Well, sometimes.)

First bit of advice I got from the vet: bring home a blanket that you've wrapped your baby in before you come home from the hospital and give it to your puppy. This seems to work for a lot of parents/dog owners, but my puppy sniffed it, peed on it, and went back to playing with my sister's dog (she stayed with Beth while we were in the hospital). But the second piece of advice (also from the vet) has been more valuable: don't try to keep the puppy away from the baby. Instead, lay the baby on the floor on the blanket and let the dog have a whiff. If you try to keep the puppy away, she'll just get jealous and resent the child. But if you let your dog near the child, it will become protective of the little tyke as he/she grows and be a good play companion. I have no problem putting Bridget on a blanket or her playmat and letting Mya walk over, sniff her butt (hey, I've found a few wet diapers that way) and give her a few kisses before telling her "that's enough" and making it necessary for me to bathe Bridget all over again. Mya has never used (or tried to use) her teeth on Bridget. Since she doesn't seem to realize that walking on top of people is not a normal thing to do, though, I do watch her and guide her away from Bridget when her big paws get too close.

One thing I've been doing on my own, without advice from anyone, is setting Bridget on top of Mya or right next to her when Mya's laying down and resting. I want her to get used to having Bridget climb all over on top of her, which I'm sure she'll be doing in a few months. Of course, I'm still holding Bridget there at this point (not quite sitting up on her own at two months), so I'm also able to move her quickly if she does something that scares/startles Mya. And another thing I'm doing? Making sure to have puppy time, too. It's hard to get in puppy play/cuddle time when you have an infant, and Mya had almost all of my attention before Bridget was born. At times I think she's a bit depressed, so I do my best to play with her and cuddle with her for a few minutes each day. I also take her on walks with Bridget and I--she does great with the stroller when I have her Gentle Leader on.

So, there are my little bits of advice for those of you with big dogs and small babies. Of course, you have to know your dog and work with it, so take my advice with a grain of salt.

I do have other Bridget news: last night was her first night in her own room, and she slept the entire ten (plus twenty minutes) hours she's been sleeping for a couple of weeks. I only heard her in the monitor once, and even the big storm didn't wake her up (it did me, though, and I was trying to remember if I have batteries in the unit in her bedroom as backup--I'll have to check on that). What a big girl I have! Okay, better get lunch while she's calm in her crib. Not sleeping, as far as I know, but she was pretty tired after eating...

two-month checkup

Bridget is already two months old. I can't believe how fast time has flown! We brought her in for her two-month checkup and vaccinations today. Here are the stats on our little girl:

• 12 pounds, 12 ounces (95th percentile in weight, and the doctor wants her to weigh more! that's because of her height...)
• 25 inches--that's over two feet tall, people! (off the charts for her age)

The vaccinations were heartbreaking for both mommy and daddy. She screamed so loud and then held her breath for what seemed like minutes (although I'm sure it was only seconds). We both (mom and dad) had tears in our eyes, although none spilled over onto our cheeks. I held Bridget until she calmed down and then we went to lunch, where she couldn't keep her eyes off of Uncle Dennis and little Mikey (who turned one on Saturday) was told he can't touch her until she's eighteen, and most likely not even then (he was grabbing for her highchair/carseat, and Dennis was afraid he would pull her over).

The doc said she might be warmer to the touch or fussier than normal due to the vaccinations. She said we could give her Infant Tylenol if that was the case. I don't have any, so when she was super-fussy after her 1:00 pm eating, I did what I've done a couple of times before: turned iTunes onto the visualizer and stood in front of the computer rocking back and forth and singing. She loves to hear me sing (I've been told I have a good voice, but I don't think babies care much about that--it's just that I'm her mom) and those moving blobs of light and color fascinate her. She actually stayed wide awake watching it through at least three songs, including "What Do You Dream About?" by Barenaked Ladies (great song for parents about babies). She's sleeping now, thus the blogging. It's too late in the day for me, a morning person, to start working (although originally that was the plan since it's Al's only day off this week). I'm going to start getting up at 4:00 am to get in an hour and a half each day before pumping, showering, and feeding her. If I get tired, I can nap if/when she does. If there's not other stuff that needs doing. :)

I'm going to put another thing on my growing to-do when Bridget's asleep (or playing--she lays on her playmat for between twenty minutes to an hour at a time now, so that's nice!) list: learning more and more about nutrition for breastfeeding moms and for food-eating babies. I'd like to make my own baby food when she does eat, and I think it might be easiest to do so like my sister-in-law does: by processing what we eat and feeding it to her. That means we should eat healthier, which I've been trying to do anyway since I'm breastfeeding. And why not get in a good, nutritious diet and try to work in more exercise (at least we try to do walks on non-rainy days) while I'm burning the extra breastfeeding calories? I figure that I've already lost my baby weight, so I'll try to go for more. My face looks so much skinnier in pics from seven or eight years ago, and I really would like to lose that weight I put on. But I'm not talking diet here; low calories wouldn't be good for my baby. I'm talking changing lifestyles. So I'll try, and let you know how the progress goes (if you don't hear anything, that means not very good progress, or not trying, or...). I'll start with these tips, which should be fairly easy to accomplish:

• Eat vegetables such as broccoli, cauliflower, bell peppers, squash and beans
• Eat fruits such as apples, berries, plums, oranges, peaches, and melons
• Eat whole grains such as whole-wheat breads, rye bread, and brown rice

I got those tips from this article, which also has some other good info. Hmm...now what to make for dinner tonight? I'll do my best to make it nutritious!

mommy's favorite gifts

So I've been remiss in thanking people for gifts since Bridget was born. We've received a ton of clothes (most 6+ months, which justifies my having bought clothes yesterday), some music, gift cards, etc. If you're one of those generous people, thank you! But today I want to thank two people in particular, one for a gift we received shortly after the baby shower, and the other for a gift we received shortly after Bridget's birth. These two gifts make up mommy's favorite unregistered-for, non-clothing items and I highly recommend each for new moms.

The first gift came from Michelle and is a handy-dandy little gadget called an itzbeen. Trust me, moms, you'll find this gadget invaluable. It's a hand held set of four timers: one for diaper changes, one for feedings, one for sleeping, and one miscellaneous timer (I use it to time how long it's been since the last time I pumped--that way I can freeze any leftover milk before it goes bad). It's about the size of a baby monitor and has a clip on the back of it in case you want to hook it onto your jeans or diaper bag or something. But I've found that it's easy to figure out what's wrong with Bridget (oh, time to eat!) and to keep track of how long she's been sleeping just by looking at my timer (if I can get Al to use it--that's the one problem; he forgets). It also has alarms and stuff on it, but I don't bother with those. The timers and the handy-dandy light at the top, which I use as a flashlight in the middle of the night, are good enough for me!

The other gift was actually for Bridget (imagine that) and came from Nikki. It's a kid's personalized music CD. We have the Jesus Loves You CD, but there are other, non-religious CDs, too. This collection of ten Christian songs and verses actually contains Bridget's name in both spoken parts ("Bridget! How old are you? Really? Did you know...") and in the songs themselves ("You're one of a kind, God is with you all the time, Jesus knows you and he loves you, Bridget"). It's so much fun and I find myself playing it and singing to it in the car all the time. Poor Neil Conan of Talk of the Nation finds himself minus one listener a lot these days (I am an NPR junkie).

So those are my two favorite non-clothing gifts. But I can't write a blog without writing about Bridget. I got to dress her in cute new outfit number one today (would like to keep changing her clothes and have her model them all for me, but I don't think she's old enough to enjoy that yet), pictured in this blog. But one of my favorite things about my baby is the just-waking-up routine she goes through in the mornings. I get her when she's starting to fuss but not upset yet, and one of the first things I say is, "Good morning, Bridget!" She gets the cutest little looks on her face as she's opening her eyes, focusing on me, yawning, and getting in her first morning stretches. She's also got that I just woke up look (a bit sleepy still) around the eyes. And she's usually so happy--until I go to feed her and have to put her down again because Mya wants in or out (Mya has an instinct about bad timing when it comes to things like this). But it's all good once she starts eating.

Until tomorrow (if Bridget and Al let me, of course!).

happy mother's day

It's a little late in the evening to be saying this (it's 11:35 as I write), but to all the moms out there, happy mother's day! I never understood how important this day can be until this year. Now I know that it's one of the most precious things in the world to be a mother.

Last night, though, pessimistic me was dreading the day. I faced a day that had my husband leaving for work by 6:15 am, not home til 7:15 pm, and then out the door again for hockey at 8:15 pm (he's still not home, by the way). So, my first mother's day and I'd be spending it alone with my baby. Not too bad a prospect (she's the reason to celebrate, after all!), but by last night at 7:00 pm I was exhausted. I bragged too soon about Bridget sleeping ten hours a night, and paid for it Tuesday night and Wednesday night--hence, the exhaustion. (Well, her lack of sleep at night and during the day on Thursday, which meant I didn't get any rest, anything done, and hadn't even eaten since about 1:00 pm, which was unusual since I've taken to eating smaller meals or snacks more often when I get a chance.) When Al called as he left work, I told him I needed him to take care of Bridget and the dog and let me eat and get to bed. Then he called again at 7:30ish, ten or fifteen minutes after he should have been home, telling me he had to go to a store. I knew what that meant--he left Mother's Day shopping until the last minute despite being off work for a week (April 30th - May 5th) and my hints the week before that Mother's Day was coming up (he'd forget his own birthday if I let him). Disappointed and tired, I told him that he just needed to come home--I'd rather have food and my rest instead of a gift or a card.

Now, before you start thinking that I'm a spoiled brat who is way overdramatic and get hurts too easily (which could be a valid opinion sometimes, I'll admit), you have to know what else happened yesterday. I got a call around 10:45 am telling me that my oldest uncle, who also happens to be one of my favorites, was about to have brain surgery in fifteen minutes. He had bleeding in the brain--a burst blood vessel, I believe, but don't quote me on that--and several blood clots that the doctors needed to remove immediately. Again, don't quote me, but I believe they used a helicopter to transport him from his local hospital to a hospital equipped to do the surgery. Although I was told that the doctor said it was a "simple" procedure (since when is brain surgery simple?) and that his wife, my aunt, wasn't worried (BS), I was worried. You tend to get that way when you've had two family members of his generation die within the last thirteen months, especially when one of them was your mother. I didn't hear back until 4:00 pm that they had just finished surgery (again, I ask, a four to five hour surgery is "simple"?), that the prognosis was good but they were keeping him in the ICU overnight for observation. Then not until right after Al called me that second time that my other aunt, my uncle's sister, had spoken to him after the surgery and he really was fine, talking, joking, etc., would have an MRI at 4:00 am the next morning, and would go home on Monday if everything came out positive.

Enter Al five minutes later: I'm crying. He probably thinks it's because of the Mother's Day thing. Part of it is. He decides to take the dog for a walk (she really needs it) but that leaves me with Bridget (and without food) for another hour. I finally get to make dinner and eat, but get Bridget back when he eats. I still don't get to bed until after 10:00 pm. But at least I get eight hours of sleep, a miracle in itself.

Oh. Did I forget to mention that sometime after Al got home my brother texted to see if any of us siblings wanted to go to the cemetery this morning to visit mom's grave? Enter crying again. It's been very hard on me to resist urges to call my mom and tell her what's going on.

Finally to today in the story. This morning when Al's alarm went off, I decided to not be upset about the lack of a card/gift/etc. since I had asked Al to come home instead of going to a second store (I guess he had already gone to one last night, only to find it closed). I thought he must be writing me a note since he took much longer than usual getting out of the house, so I stayed in bed until he came in to say goodbye (I typically get up either just before or just after he leaves so I can pump and store some breastmilk). He also took forever saying goodbye and I kept telling him not to wake Bridget up--she had been making some small sounds, and if I don't get to pump in the morning, it's not really worth it (I lose the milk and the ability to pump a lot the next few days). When I did get up and go into the kitchen after he had gone, I was disappointed. No note on the counter where he always leaves it. I still was determined not to get upset. I pumped, did my makeup, and went in the bedroom to get dressed and get Bridget up (still not awake after almost ten and a half hours) and saw that he had laid a card down on her feet in the bassinet. And he had written a long paragraph consisting of "goo goo ga poop pee sleep drool goo i'm so big ga gurgle (etc.)" and "translated" it into stuff like "you're a great mom." It made me laugh, and made me happy. The day was looking better.

I decided that I would go to mom's grave after feeding Bridget and left to meet my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew there. I got there first and was shocked and upset to find that they still haven't put her headstone in the ground. It is the middle of May, after all. I can see them not doing it in the winter, but I don't think we're in danger of a big snow or ice storm anytime soon. It was also obvious that they haven't done anything to the plot since the day they buried her--like plant grass seed. I started looking around and realized that someone who died in March of 2008 didn't have grass, either. It looks like if we want grass we have to plant it ourselves, although that's probably against the rules. It sounds dumb, but I had been looking forward to "introducing" Bridget to mom and had even brought along my camera to take a picture of her headstone (weird, I know). Instead, I was shocked, angry, and crying out of frustration. Then my brother and his family showed up and stayed for five minutes. Really, how long do you need to stay at a grave? It's not like mom was really there or could hear or see us, but the entire experience still disappointed me. I left when they did since the wind was chilly. I didn't want Bridget to get sick.

After leaving the cemetery, I really wanted some company. It was my first Mother's Day and I didn't have my husband around and hadn't been able to "talk" to my own mom as I had planned. I tried calling my sister for a late breakfast/early lunch, but she did'nt answer. Instead, I went shopping and bought a whole bunch of 3-6 month clothes for Bridget (she's already out of 0-3 month). They were on sale--what can I say? We're also getting (just got, actually) a whole bunch of hand-me-downs from our friends Kari and Craig, so I'm pretty excited to be getting Bridget into girl clothes instead of neutral onesies. I checked my phone when I left and texted my sister asking if she wanted to do lunch, and then realized that my dad had called. He was dropping by with a card. Yay! I called him back, asked if he wanted to go to lunch, and the answer was affirmative. He met me at our house, I fed Bridget, and then we went out (Kerby's, of course). We didn't get back until close to 3:00 pm and then Bridget ate and slept for an hour while I did laundry. Then we just hung out (well, she ate some more), and by the time Al came home Bridget was wide-eyed and smiley. Of course, by the time he left she was hungry again and getting pretty tired, but we got that taken care of. She went down for the night at 10:00 and I put away laundry, did dishes, and soaked in the hot tub for half an hour. And now here I am. A good day all in all. If only my carpal tunnel weren't coming back every time I hold Bridget, it would have been an almost-perfect-except-for-the-cemetery-incident day.

being a mom

I love it when my baby's face lights up when I talk to her. She breaks out in a huge smile and that dimple in her left cheek appears, and she makes what passes as a laugh for her right now--a sharp, low intake of breath followed by sounds like "goo" or "ga" (only not that pronounced). Already I am dreading the day when my face or words don't have that effect on her.

It hurts when I see tears on her cheeks. Those few times when I can't figure out what's wrong, those times when she just keeps crying, are the hardest. Not because she's loud (and she is), but because I want to take her tears away.

It hurts in another way when she's overtired and refuses to eat, even if I know she needs to. Because I'm breastfeeding, that's when it feels like rejection. I reason with myself at those times and just try to comfort her until she falls asleep, but I can't help feeling a bit helpless--I can't provide my baby with everything she needs.

It's mystifying that Bridget's hands and fingernails can get so dirty when she doesn't even play with toys yet. How does this happen? I bathe her and myself and even my husband puts on clean t-shirts before he holds her. I wash her sheets and blankets and clothes. And yet, her hands and fingernails get dirty.

It's amusing, and a bit disgusting, that in the past three days Bridget has started to drool incessantly. Yesterday I caught Al ignoring a six-inch long string of drool hanging from her chin (he was fast-forwarding through a bad movie we rented from Netflix). She reminded me of my dog when she's watching me eat something she finds particularly enticing. Even when it's not a string of drool hanging, Bridget somehow manages to soak her chin and clothes with saliva. No wonder Carolyn (my aunt) won't let babies kiss her. Guess that tiny grace period for you is up, little girl. Carolyn probably won't get near your face again until you're about twelve.

Smiles, tears, tiredness, dirty hands and fingernails, and drool--it's all worth it and I'll take it all. I love being a mom and dearly miss my own.

kustom kribs

So on my last post I mentioned that I'm going to try to start a small business. Don't worry if this is a surprise and you didn't read that far...I mentioned it in the last paragraph and it was a long post. But I've made a small start on promoting it: I have a logo up (it's on the right) and I've got an email address. And now I'll shamelessly promote it by stating what, exactly, I'll be selling. I will focus on two core products:

• Kustom Krib Set - Includes a baby quilt, crib bumper, dust ruffle and fitted sheet
  
• Kid's Klothes Kwilt - A quilt made from your kid's old clothes

The key here is customizing (perhaps I should say Kustomizing instead!). People can place orders one of three ways: first, by giving me a color scheme, naming the primary color and two secondary colors; second, by giving me a theme and primary and secondary colors; or third, by choosing a primary and secondary fabric, which I'll eventually have up on my website. That's still to come, by the way; Ryan's building it for me (giving him some practice since he wants to learn) and I'll scan in the various fabrics I have available and people can choose their faves--I'll fill in the rest. I might also have patterns to choose from eventually and would definitely use a specific pattern upon request, but I think it's more fun to choose a pattern after choosing the fabrics. As part of the customizing, I can even provide the option for embroidering a child's name, birthdate, etc. on part of the quilt for an extra charge (I have connections :)).

Pricing will probably start around $200 for a Kustom Krib Set and around $75 for a Kid's Klothes Kwilt (prices for those will depend on size and the amount of fabric I have to buy to supplement the clothing provided). And, to stick with the kustomizing theme, I can do other items upon request: twin, full/queen, king, or decorative (throw) quilts; pillow shams; and window valances. I'll have to figure out the pricing on those items, probably on individual orders at first and then, after I've done a few (positive thinking here), I should be able to give a standard price. One thing to note is that everything will be machine pieced and quilted--I don't have the time for hand quilting!

Of course, people need a way to reach me, so I've set up a secondary email account (which I'm sure will get a ton of spam since it's on the web, but that's why it's secondary): kustomkribs@gmail.com. For now, people can reach me through that and I will get back with them via phone or email. Anyone who places an order with me can expect me to keep in touch while I'm working, since I'll want to make sure they like what I'm working on. I've also been advised to try selling on etsy.com, so I think I'll check it out--I've never been on the site so will need to familiarize myself with it first.

One other thing I'm thinking of is payment. I think for now I'll ask for half up front and then send pics when I'm finished with the product and request the rest before I send it out. If they don't like it, I'll keep the product and $25 (to cover at least a little bit of my cost) and send them the rest of their money back. Turn around time on orders will vary, depending on the volume of work I have to do (again, thinking positive) and the type of order, but I should be able to give each customer an estimated time frame when orders are placed.

So, those are my ideas so far. Doing this bit by bit, so if you have questions or are waiting for the website, pics of work done, etc., keep checking back! It'll come along, and I'll let you know if this actually takes off and works. Baby just woke up, so gotta go!

at last...

Almost a month since my last post. I wouldn't have believed it if you had told me it would be that long between posts say, two months ago. But with a baby who will be eight weeks old tomorrow (already!), it really is a little tough to find an hour to blog. There's always too much other stuff to do when she's sleeping, and I don't mean sleep myself. I'm talking pumping (I'm breastfeeding, but we use one bottle a day, too), showering, laundry, dishes, cooking, etc. But I miss my blogging fix so much. I feel out of touch and feel like I'm losing out on memories that I will be able to have later on, so here I go again: trying to blog at least weekly, if not daily. But if you see an entry that suddenly cuts off, that may be an indication that it's time for me to play mommy again.

So, what's gone on in the last month? I've taken hundreds of pics (see April and May pics, and I'll keep adding to the May) and several short video clips (I won't bore you with the hundreds, but some of my favorites are online). We had a good Easter, first going to church Saturday evening and then having Easter dinner at Grandma and Grandpa's with Uncle John, Uncle Bill and Aunt Theresa, Aunt Ann and cousins Andy and Neil. At church the music woke Bridget up, but she didn't threaten to start fussing until it was over and the pastor started praying. Out into the lobby went mommy and Bridget, where we got invited to tour the nursery (she'll start going in it when we go back to church next month--right now they're having a three-week series that Al isn't particularly interested in). Then Laura came out with Ella (they were all there too) and so Laura and I watched Ella play on the slides while Bridget slept. Ella said my name for the first time that day! She says it more like "Wanna," but I was such a happy, proud aunt. She's such a fun little girl. At Grandma and Grandpa's Aunt Theresa got Bridget down onto the floor to play, which mainly consists of kicking and wiggling at this point. And smiling a lot! I swear, sometimes I think my little girls going to bust out laughing. She goos and gurgles a lot right now, but no laughter yet. It's strange that crying is a natural instinct but laughter has to be learned.

Bridget did give mommy, daddy, and Aunt Beth a scare on Easter weekend. Beth and I gave her a bath right before church Saturday evening and Beth noticed a blue lump on her tummy. It protruded a bit and was hard, but didn't seem to hurt her at all. We had friends over that evening, and Cathy, one of them, thought it might be a hernia (she's an ER doctor) but said that when babies do develop them, it's usually closer to their belly buttons--Bridget's is about an inch above and to the right (her left side). Since it didn't seem to bother her, Cathy thought it would be okay to wait until Monday to see a doctor. My sister-in-law, Theresa, said the same thing on Sunday (she's a postpartum nurse). So I waited until Monday morning to take Bridget to the doctor. We couldn't see our regular pediatrician and this doctor was in the room all of three minutes, but she assured me that it was a hemangioma and nothing to worry about unless it grew very rapidly. Since she described it as vascular blood vessels that are near to the surface and therefore easily spotted, I called my Aunt Carolyn, a vascular technician who spends all day ultra-sounding this type of stuff (First comment: I know a lot of people, don't I? Second comment: I'm sure ultra-sounding is not a verb, but since I don't know the correct term, I figured I'd make one up). She said the same thing, therefore, no more worries. This hemangioma could be something that Bridget lives with all of her life or it could go away after a couple of years, but they rarely cause medical problems.

Let's see, what else? Bridget is very good at holding her head up, and is just a bit wobbly in the front-to-back category; side to side she's strong. She also wants to sit up a lot and often pushes back if she's leaning forward (especially if we're trying to burp her). She's started following things with her eyes--she watched Al as he walked away from her and across the room the other day--and her face lights up in a huge smile when someone talks to her in a playful voice or when I sing to her. Her stomach is very ticklish, and she wiggles all over (and smiles) when I rub or tickle it. I'm beginning to understand why a kid's show is called Wiggles (although I'll admit I've never watched it). She refuses to sleep on her back unless she's moving, either in the car or in the stroller. Since Al was so concerned about SIDS, I did try putting her on her side to sleep for a few nights; she rolled over onto her stomach on her own. Bridget has been able to move her head from side to side since in the "tummy time" position since she was two weeks old, so I don't reallly worry about it and have finally convinced Al to give in to her stomach-sleeping preference, especially since she's been sleeping an average of ten hours a night for the past week and a half. She typically eats every two hours during the day and then pigs out at night, wanting to eat for at least two hours straight--probably filling up for the long night. Naps are hit and miss, and I can't really count on her to sleep more than half an hour at a time during the day unless I go out shopping and she sleeps then. That's probably why she's been so fussy at night: she gets overtired, and when she finally goes to sleep (between 9 and 11) she's exhausted. And Al and I finally agreed that we will start putting her in her crib after her two-month pediatrician appointment, on May 13. It'll be strange after having her in our room, but at least I won't have to squeeze between the bassinet and the bed or my half of the closet anymore!

Speaking of squeezing, I only have to do the amount I was doing before I got pregnant since I've lost all but three pounds of my pregnancy weight (without trying--breastfeeding helps a lot!). I'm all back to normal and actually got to go in the hot tub this week. Of course, Al refused to open it the entire way (leaving the lid over the half with my favorite seat) since he thinks we may have bees living in it again. He wants to find a "cool morning" to remove the panel and try to take care of the potential hive, which means I probably will not be in my favorite seat all summer. I hope he does find that cool morning, though, since I'll need it: I'm back to work, at least on the days that Al's off. By "work" I mean schoolwork: last week I managed to find a replacement for one person on my POS committee (POS=Program of Study, and these people will ultimately approve my dissertation and deem me Doctor Rhonda; my old committee member retired and moved to New Zealand); put in a proposal for the major conference in my field; and renew my library books. I'm actually scanning one of those library books as I blog since it's been recalled and I'll have to mail it back to the library. On my list to do in the near future: write a proposal for another conference, finalize my reading list, and finalize my list of questions for my upcoming comprehensive exam. I also need to schedule my comps for this fall. I'd like to do them early November (they're a seventeen day process, and I basically answer three of my questions, modified by the exams committee, in three ten-page, double-spaced papers--a lot harder than it sounds since we usually write twenty or more pages and that space includes our works cited lists) but may need to do them in October if I get into this second conference.

The funny thing about work/school at this point in my life? I enjoy it while I'm actually doing it, but when I'm not doing it, I could care less if I finish or ever go back. I never thought I could be a stay-at-home mom but now I wish I could be (that's what $40K+ in grad school student loans will do to you--never had a loan before my PhD program, either). Although I will admit that there are moments when I wish I could get back to work, just to get away for a while. It's not easy having someone rely on you 24/7. Which reminds me, we had our first babysitter earlier this week--Beth came over while we went to see Wolverine (good movie).

Anyway, back to speaking about work, I will need to go back eventually, and it would be good if I could at least get some editing jobs or earn some extra money somehow for the next few months. We're putting in an Invisible Fence, have to pay for the fall semester for me, have student loan payments that will be starting soon, will have to pay for daycare in the fall, etc. But my brother mentioned an idea that stuck with me and has been growing ever since because it appeals to me: When Beth and I gave Ryan and Rachel Lily's quilt (oh, yeah! Lily was born on April 20th, so now I have two nieces and a nephew), they loved it so much that they asked for an entire crib set to go with it. So I'm making it: crib bumper, dust ruffle, and perhaps a sheet, although they could easily buy a solid sheet that matched. Ryan said, "You guys should sell these!" Well, I've decided I'm going to try. I don't want to spend any money advertising, but I'll do what I can for free for now to see if it drums up any business: put a little blurb on a sidebar on this blog, put a little something up on Facebook, and give Ryan practice with websites (in exchange for teaching him so CSS and HTML), which I'll eventually host on the free space provided to me by school. We'll see if it drums anything up. If so, it'll be fun and earn some cash, and if not, no big deal. So if you know anyone who might be interested in a custom crib set (quilt, bumper, sheet, and dust ruffle) starting around $200, send them my way! I'm also going to offer Mommy's Memories quilts (who knows if that will be an "official" name for them--I'm sure it's already taken for something) that can be made from a child's old clothing and/or mommy's maternity clothes. I think those will be my two official products for now, although I'll probably add a blurb that I can do other pieces as well--twin, full, queen or king quilts, curtains or valances, etc. It'll be fun if it works out, and I can always get Beth to help me if I get too busy (probably hoping for too much, there). But I'll be posting pics of my (our) work soon, just in case someone's interested.

Have a happy day! Hope to be back in a week, if not sooner...