a fond (and somewhat amusing) farewell

Miss me?

There's been a barricade in front of my office door for days now, and it was only removed late last night. So freedom: free to get to my computer (even my laptop was in my office), free to get to my camera (I've had to use Al's to take pictures of my little girl!), free to take Bridget's nap time and write. And watch the dog digging holes in the yard and eating the pine trees through the office window. Oh, the joys of owning a puppy.

Two days ago, I noticed that Bridget is working hard at holding her own head up. She's still a bit unsteady when she does so, but is able to keep it up for a minute or so at a time now. And yesterday when I tried to burp her by sitting her up and leaning her slightly forward, she pushed back. No leaning forward for my little girl any more--she wanted to lean back (more like in a reclining position) and look around. Strong back, strong neck already! And since she was looking around, I got out one of the more colorful toys/rattles to see if she'd look at it--all blues, reds, oranges--the colors they say really draws children's attention. She did look at it for a bit, but I don't think she has a huge attention span yet. It's so interesting to see these little developments, though. Interesting, and fun!

As for me, I go between being rested and having amazing days with my daughter--days in which I can both enjoy her and do laundry, etc.--to being extremely sleep-deprived and crying. To Bridget's credit, her really fussy days are probably my fault. Like the other day when I didn't think about how much caffeine I was ingesting other than the I'm not pregnant anymore thought. And decided to treat myself to a venti non-fat latte, the first I'd had in months and months and months. And proceeded to have two sodas later in the day. And paid for it all night because my baby was fussy and couldn't sleep. Oops. I may be addicted to and able to handle that much caffeine, but my baby isn't. I've got to remember that I may not be pregnant, but I am breastfeeding and Bridget still gets the effects of what I eat and drink. Hey, at least I remember it when it comes to alcohol!

I've held off the reason for the office barricade til now since it's sad news. Serena died early in the morning on Friday, April 3rd, in the office. Since she couldn't walk for the last thirty-six or so hours, there were a few messes/stains which my husband has been graciously trying to clean up and get rid of, as well as a smell that only bothers him (the first time he's been able to smell anything since Sena's been living here, but miraculously I don't have to worry about it, since seasonal allergies have knocked out my nose). We're going to have to rip out the carpet, which may mean I get the wood floors I want in here sooner than expected. :) And although I miss my cat terribly, Al managed to make me laugh about her death. He was at work digging her grave on April 2nd since we knew the end was coming, but he decided to dig it in the front yard right next to our porch rather than the back where my other cat is buried. He used the dog as an excuse, but our yard is big enough and her tie-out short enough that he could have chosen a spot out of her reach. After he buried Serena, he remarked, "I'm surprised the cops didn't show up."

"Why would they?" I asked. "Because it was dark out when you buried her?" (It was around 5:30 am, shortly after I discovered that she had died.)

"Well, yeah, but I dug the hole out front because the neighbors know we have a new baby and see us out back all the time with a crazy, rabid dog (Rhonda editorializing: she's very territorial on her tie-out and we need to break her of that. She jumps, growls nastily, and bites when we go out and she's there). I didn't want them to see me digging a small hole in the ground, too!" At this point, laughter ensued instead of tears.

Only Al would be paranoid that our neighbors would think we are burying our baby to protect our wild puppy that killed her. And really, Mya isn't as bad as he thinks. Bridget is in danger of nothing other than being licked to death by that dog. Perhaps jumped on in a moment of excitement, but she's got us to protect her from Mya's inattentive paws. Sweet, loving, paranoid Al.

More about my actual daughter (versus pets) next post--I promise! Of course, it will be easier to write about her when she actually starts to do things other than eat, sleep, pee, poop, look around, eat, sleep...

supermom

Okay, since my daughter's only nineteen days old, I probably don't qualify for the "Supermom" title yet. But today's been so productive on top of spending time with my daughter that I feel super-accomplished. Thus, supermom for the day.

What did I do today? I managed to make myself breakfast, do two loads of laundry and pump a small bottle of breastmilk to freeze before Bridget got up (granted, she waited until ellen was on to fully awaken, so I had a bit of time). Then I took care of her, of course, and when she was ready, we went shopping. I considered bringing my Jeep carrier (like a Bjorn carrier but half the price) since Karen had recommended a sling, but (problem) I don't have clothes warm enough for Bridget to be outside, even from the car to the store, so decided against that for now. (I do love it, by the way--Bridget quiets right down when I wear it around the house, something that, admittedly, you're not supposed to do.) We hit three stores: Trader Joes, Target, and Costco. It helps that the parking lots are all connected. She was even out long enough for me to stop by and let my old coworkers meet her since they've been asking me to bring her up. Once she dirtied her diaper, though, I figured it was time to head home. I had consciously left the diaper bag in the car--didn't want to stay too long!

At home, I managed to throw dinner into the crockpot before Bridget wanted to be fed. She didn't want to sleep when she was done eating, so into the carrier she went and I spent the next couple of hours putting purchases away, doing dishes, etc. I was able to get her to lie down a few minutes before Al got off work, so I started pumping again, this time so Al could feed her tonight. When he got home, he took her so I could add the last ingredients to the crockpot (pears and prunes, which turned out to ruin the roast for him, but they're good for me and Bridget!) and didn't want to give her up, so I let him spend his first half hour alone with Bridget and took the dog for a walk around the lake. (Turns out that made me quite sore; perhaps a bit too much exercise a bit too soon? But not so sore that I won't do it again within the week!) Then dinner, after which I cleaned up (he usually does, but was holding Bridget still) and we stuck in a movie. While we watched the movie, I finished pumping tonight's bottle (Bridget was sleeping soundly) and then prepared her first in-sink bath (vs. sponge bath). We interrupted the movie to wake Bridget and give her the bath, and Al's feeding her a big bottle right now. Next up: Bed! And let's hope she sleeps the usual five hours tonight. Maybe even five-plus, if she finishes all five ounces of that bottle. We'll see.

So, those are the reasons for the designation "supermom" for the day. But I can't have this post all about me when there's someone much more adorable to talk about. Bridget was smiling so big today while I was getting dressed that I could have sworn she was going to start laughing (she didn't). But the minute the camera came out, she stopped and got a puzzled look on her face instead, just looking at the camera. Probably trying to figure out what I was sticking in her face. I wish I could have captured it for Al, though. She also does two things that I find absolutely adorable when she eats--first, she often clasps her hands together in front of her chest, sometimes even intertwining her fingers. So cute! She also makes these little "ahh" sounds while she's eating; they're little sighs mixed in with her breathing. I love that sound, just like I like the sharp intake of breath that ends up being a squeak when she cries. I constantly tell her that she is the most adorable little girl in the world. I'm biased, of course.

Unfortunately, I can't make this post all about Bridget, either. Today is Serena's fifteenth birthday. For those of you that don't know, Serena is my cat. But Serena's health has gone downhill fast, and I don't think she'll make it past tomorrow. I would have said tonight but there's only half an hour left of the day. She can no longer walk; I walked in on her right before giving Bridget a bath and thought she was having a seizure. All four legs were moving, almost twitching. But the instant I started to pet her, she stopped. She was trying to move from the spot she's in, and couldn't get up off the floor. I would have moved her, but I don't know where she wanted to go so I just sat there next to her and pet her for a while. She no longer purrs or even meows, and I have been praying for days now that God would make this painless for her. Now I just want it to be quick and am considering taking her to the vet if she's still alive when I take Mya in for her appointment on Friday. It breaks my heart to see my cat, who has always been very vocal and a very good companion to me (especially in Iowa when I was alone), silent, dying, and unable to move. I'm two feet away from her now and hope she thinks of me being her as companionship in her last hours.

I'm tired of waiting for death. I've had to wait for death too frequently these past few months.