serena, part two

I've shed another few tears this week (Monday and today, especially) over my cat, Serena. When I first took her to the vet, she came home with a renewed appetite due to the steroid shot he had given her. Renewed, if not as robust as it was before. But as of Monday, it had been several days again since she had eaten anything. I needed to go to the vet to weigh Mya for her heartworm pill (55.5 pounds now!), so I made an appointment and brought Sena in as well. We went in thinking we'd just get another steroid shot and maybe talk over some new options regarding this tumor she has inside of her.

Our vet did a physical exam before treating Serena and said that he thinks the tumor has shrunk--good news. Before, he said, it seemed like the width (not length) of kielbasa, and now it seems more like hot-dog size. Not the best comparison, but something to think about. He opted to do bloodwork and send us home with oral steroids, to be given twice a day, instead of doing a steroid shot. She had lost almost two more pounds, and that concerned him a bit. He said to call back this morning to discuss the results of the bloodwork with him.

The fact that Serena had lost two more pounds was disturbing to me, since if she keeps losing at that rate I won't have a cat in a couple of months. She doesn't act like she's in pain, but I started to get more and more worried. And when they called me yesterday morning telling me to stop the first pill I got (the cancer treatment), cut down to one pill a day on the steroids, and come in to pick up an antibiotic, it scared me more. It turns out that Sena's white blood cell count is down to around 1,200; cats usually have white blood cell counts between 4,500 and 15,000. Her bone marrow count is also down to 900 instead of the normal 1,500 or above. The bone marrow count, the vet said, could be a side effect of the original medication since her white blood cells are down.

This morning as the vet was explaining everything to me, he said I have two options at this point: try giving her some of the protein-packed wet food he gave me on Monday (which I had to syringe force-feed her last night, and she literally gagged--not from choking, because I was very careful about that, but because she didn't like the taste--and tried to spit it back out) and giving her the antibiotics and steroids once a day; or hospitalize her and let her get some IV fluids (antibiotics, etc.) and a stomach-tube feeding or two in her. He said that there's a fifty-fifty chance that one of these two options will raise her white blood cell count, in turn helping to raise her bone marrow count. If that happens, he's fairly certain we can treat her and have her healthy again. But if she doesn't get better within the next couple of days, we'll have to talk "other options." I know all too well what those are and don't relish the thought of losing my cat. Other than being weaker than normal (she can't jump up on the bed at this point, and we have a low bed), she doesn't seem to be in pain, and I really hate the thought of putting her down or of having her die of starvation, a tumor, or anything else.

I took a few minutes, cried, and let everything sink in before I called Al to tell him the news and see which option he'd choose. I was leaning toward hospitalization, partially because I can't bear the thought of my cat hiding from me all the time because I shove pills down her throat. I also was afraid that I would end up in labor and Sena would end up at home without any treatment, and the thought of coming home to a dead cat was pretty upsetting (I was a little worried about waking up to a dead cat this morning since she's so small and weak). But Al's been worried about money, and I don't blame him. Having a kid is expensive, and I'm not working. Thankfully, Al agreed that we should do what we can for Serena and, because I am so anyday-now-pregnant, hospitalize her. I took her in this morning and cried a bit as I dropped her off, hoping that it wasn't the last time I would see her like it was when my former rottie went in for "exploratory surgery" and ended up cancer-ridden. I know that in the midst of having a baby and after my mom's death and everything other people might think that the illness of a cat (or the possibility of losing one) is a small thing, but she's been with me for so long (she'll be fifteen April 1st) and I will miss her so, so much if I lose her. So if it doesn't seem ridiculous to you, please, send a prayer up for my cat. It would be much appreciated.