thirty-nine weeks

The minute the doctor left the room today, I almost broke down in tears. I had sat in the waiting room for an hour, in the exam room for another ten minutes, and gone through a painful (yes, they are painful) physical exam only to find out that I haven't dilated one bit since last week. The doctor still tried to convince me that we've had progress--the baby is definitely lower than it was last week--but I guess I was hoping to get this over with more than I realized. He shook my hand, saying, "See you next week unless we get lucky. Let's hope for this weekend." But he also had me schedule an appointment for next Friday, the day after my due date.

Why the sudden change of heart from, "Not until the house is ready"? It certainly isn't ready. But I can't get anything--even small things--done to completion anymore since I'm so exhausted. On Wednesday night I had another painful night (ligaments in my upper/inner thighs) and ended up sleeping in the recliner again, and last night I was getting up so often (every half hour) that I went to the recliner at 3:00 am. Big mistake, because when I tried to go back to bed as Al was leaving for work around 6:00 am those ligaments were so painful that I needed Al's help getting back up and was yelling in pain as I tried to walk to the bathroom (right next to our room) and then back to the recliner. The recliner isn't the best for my back, and during the day my legs and back tire so quickly that I can't remain standing (or walking) long. So, since I can't get anything done around the house anyway, I just want the pregnancy done. Over. Come out into the world so I can hold you and get my body back, no matter how overweight I was to begin with. It was so much better than this.

At least I only gained one more pound this week (total weight gain: forty-five pounds) and grew one more centimeter in my belly. (The pic here doesn't do me justice--I'm about twice the size of someone that is due in twelve days and was in the doctor's office--but it's getting hard to take those pics by myself since my arms aren't that long.) I swear the weight gain has to be all baby since I can barely eat anything anymore (baby's taking up most of the room), but I know that not eating much is taking its toll on my energy levels. It's a lose-lose situation. But even with my discomfort and exhaustion, I don't want to induce and there's been no talk of it. I'd rather not pump my body (or my baby) full of unnecessary drugs.

Serena update: I picked her up after my doctor's appointment to the astounding, and way more than the vet estimated, tune of $475. She still hasn't eaten on her own and they failed to tell me that she is still a bit sedated (at least, I hope so because she can barely walk). But they fed her with another stomach tube about two hours ago now, so it would make sense that she might be a bit unsturdy on her legs still. I've got to call back tomorrow morning and give the vet an update: did she eat? How's she been acting? Etc. She hasn't vomited for them and does not act in pain, but she didn't act in pain here, either. He's thinking her white blood cell count is on the way back up again, but since I said to hold off on testing the blood again until we see if she eats or not (thank God, because that probably would have been another $100), we're not sure. He said it wouldn't change our treatment route regardless. So let's hope she gets hungry and thirsty tonight and chows down. I really want my cat to get better...